If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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