my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize