Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize