I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
