I can text with my tongue
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
