I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
