i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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