Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love having hate sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
