I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
