new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
