Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
