We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
