Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
