Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You don't make any sense
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