I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
