he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
