My friends, they love my intelligence
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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