Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
