maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
