I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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