Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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