According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?