You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??