okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
