How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I deserve this hangover.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
