I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
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