Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
