Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
