Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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