On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
