Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
