i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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