Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
