well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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