he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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