So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
