I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
