Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
