Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The best revenge is premature balding
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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