you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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