There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
