I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was born a porn star she said
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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