She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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