I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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