I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize