it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
