Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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