Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
