Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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