Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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