He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
