If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
