I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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