Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
