Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
