I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
