I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize