I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
