i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
