I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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